The apostles returned to Jesus, and told Him all that they had done and taught. And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a lonely place, and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. And they went away in the boat to a lonely place by themselves. Mark 6: 30-32
Dear Disciple of Christ,
Have you ever been on a church retreat? Both our women’s and men’s groups have held such retreats at each of my churches, reflecting on how the faith and their lives are connected. It is a time of quiet and introspection based on reflection on the Word. It can be a valuable gift for disciples to grow spiritually and I consider them a valuable tool for that spiritual growth.
But I also remember when I did not hold those feelings. While a solo pastor (and the only paid church worker in my first church), I began receiving twice yearly invitations to a “retreat of silence”. For those of you in my own congregations, I’m sure you can imagine my personal reaction to that idea (silence seems to be antithetical to my nature). And my reaction was just like that when I was invited to a retreat with other Lutheran pastors at Advent and Lent each year. We were to head up to Peekskill (north of the city) into the woods to a beautiful retreat center run by Episcopal nuns. Year after year I begged off attending, indicating to the coordinator that, with all the work to be done at my church, if I ever went it would mean I’d given up my ministry. But when I got to Queens and found the workload even more overwhelming, I responded to the next invitation with, “If I don’t go, I’m not sure what will happen to my ministry.” The needs would need to wait while I “went away to a lonely place and rested for a while – rested in the Word and in God’s creation.”
So, the pastoral participants would gather for some fellowship late Sunday afternoon and then go to the refectory (a room for communal meals), eat dinner in silence, reflect personally afterward, join the sisters for evening prayer and that would be the first day. On Monday we would join the sisters at each meal (a reading of a chapter of a spiritual book was given during dinner but otherwise there was silence). During the day there would be three presentations by one of the pastors but most often no discussion, just personal reflection and silence as we went to our own paths. Tuesday morning we’d worship at 6:20am with the sisters, eat breakfast and about 9am head back to our urban ministries.
And we headed back to those ministries refreshed and renewed. I knew some who attended the retreats who would just as well have stayed there and given up their “active” ministries down in the city. It felt good to be there. It reminded us all of the hymn, “Nearer my God to Thee.” It was peaceful to walk the paths in the woods, reflect at the small lake and move to the graveyard where decades of sisters were buried and marked with simple cement slabs with their names cut into the cement. There was a large pine tree at one end of the cemetery that I often “spoke” with about all the saints it had watched laid to rest. I myself enjoyed the respite and rest immensely. In fact, after a few years going there twice a year, I began going once or so a month on my own.
But I also recognized from my reflection and reading that this was not my calling (the monastic and reflective life). I was not called away from the challenges and work but, in retreat, restored and renewed for that very ministry. I needed to make sure that I was not using the mountaintop experience as a place to leave behind the cares of the communities (church and neighborhood) I served, but to enable me to be strengthened for those cares. I remember the October weekend I had planned for another retreat. I had scheduled my personal retreat for Columbus weekend but just couldn’t finish up some of the work I needed to get done and so postponed it for another week. That was fortuitous for me and a blessing for my family.
In the early morning hours that Monday, our dog, who was kept in the kitchen at night, began “serious” barking. It was loud enough to waken me upstairs and when I opened my eyes, I could see the light on the house alarm system indicating a break in the circuit (it was not in alarm position so it did not sound the alarm only indicated the break in it with a lit bulb). I went downstairs and found the dog barking at the basement door. I opened it slowly and immediately smelled the smoke of a match recently lit and/or extinguished (that the intruder used to see in the dark room). It turns out that they had broken into the basement through the old “coal chute”. There were wires across the access and he had broken one of the wires. At the sound of the dog and my turning on the light, he quickly left.
After the police left and the excitement was over, my loving and gentle wife simply said, “I’m glad you were here and not upstate.” Sadly, I had not yet put that together as quickly as she did, but she was right. Leaving her and two daughters on their own (or even with our dog) was not all that safe.
From that point on, I had a place for reflection on the Word in the house. In those years I found the early morning quiet a great time for reflection. Although it was not as extensive a time as on retreat, I was able to “come away by myself and meet with the Lord daily.” I still find that early morning time a peaceful blessing from God though reflection time “works” at night for me as well. I do hope that you have a place and a time that you have set aside for reflection. I find it best if I don’t just have a place or reading material but also a set amount of time (1/2 hour? ¾ of an hour?) to do the reflection. That helps me take my time with the readings (the Word, the Faith Matters of the day, a spiritual writing, etc.) and not treat it as something to “get through”. It is not too much time but an important time to mark the day as one that is a gift from God and I pray He will speak to me and lead me. He “comes away” with me but also comes with me to the hospitals and homes and pathways of the day. What a blessing. I hope you can find that time and place to “be still and know that He is God.’
In His Service and to His glory,
Pastor Johnson