“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” – Matthew 16:15
Dear Disciples of Christ,
This is the last part of the orientation I do for new members. We cover lots of areas of church life but this is as important as it gets. I make sure new members realize they are welcome to join a group of sinners who are gathered in the name of Jesus. That includes the newest baptized member, the member who is heading for the century mark and the pastor(s). It is the very nature of the church that only sinners will come. We confess our sins weekly and rejoice to hear the good news of the forgiveness of (all) our sins! It is only by the grace of God that we are in relationship with the Father for a lifetime unto eternal life.
But what about our relationships with other sinners? Maybe the math involved is multiplication instead of simple addition. It is not twice the sin involved when two sinners interact but perhaps four or eight times the impact. It is hard for us to live with ourselves and our fears and doubts and sin let loose in our hearts, and even more challenging with others. The Church is a corporate gathering, many sinners together confessing sin and rejoicing in grace. We know that we will be forgiven in the way that we forgive (that’s simply the Lord’s prayer that He taught us). If we do not forgive, we lose that grace that is waiting for us.
So why do I make that the last statement of the orientation for new members? Because I know the power of sin to divide what God brings together (not just in marriages and families and neighborhoods and nations but in congregations). I was driving home one of the members of our church in Queens, a church council member who had no car, and she was the last to be dropped off. She was sitting in the back seat of the car and as she was exiting she said, “Well, I know how you feel about women.” To be honest, I can’t even remember what we were talking about before she said that but it must have been something about women serving in church. She was suggesting that I would not want women to participate or serve.
I was so shocked that I stopped her and asked her what that meant. She indicated she had heard me say that in a sermon once. Now it may well have been that I was quoting Paul who, in his day and age, to further the gospel in a society that did not value the word of women, said that he did not allow women to speak in church. For the months since she heard that and assumed it was my view, she said nothing but felt the disappointment in her heart. I was unaware of her feelings because she did not come to me and ask me how I felt, to confirm or deny what she was sure she heard.
I do know this is a difficult thing for us to do and I almost wish there was another way to resolve these divisions but it is Christ Himself who directs us into action. “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” There are further steps to take if a brother or sister in Christ confirms their attitude or actions but once I heard what she thought I said, I could clarify my feelings and point to a pastoral lifetime of appreciating the sacrificial offering of talents of all (male, female, young, old, new member or long time member). Throughout my pastoral life I have rejoiced when disciples offer their gifts and talents and time.
So I assure new members, as I would assure each member, they have a sinner for a pastor. When (not “if” but “when”) I offend you, please, (pretty please with a cherry on it, as the kids would say), come directly and speak with me and to me. Do not go first to family or friends and share what might not be true. You will have the opportunity to go to them if I do not repent or we do not come to agreement (it may be that you misheard or misunderstood or are actually wrong in your view and a witness can help resolve the issue and bring unity where there is division).
As the liturgy for the wedding service puts it, “What God has joined together; let no one put asunder.” It is God who has brought us together into family, His family. It is not good to “murmur” in a parking lot or at fellowship after church or on the phone with others without having spoken to the person who caused the offense (pastor or member). Unresolved offenses can be one of the most divisive forces in the church and is the work of the powers and principalities that will do all they can to disrupt the life and service and unity of the Church.
As Paul said to the Romans (12:18), “If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all.”
In that peace of the Lord,
Pastor Johnson